NOY101

Ang kahulugan ng buhay ay nasa mga maliliit na bagay... yung mga sa tingin natin walang kwenta minsan bumubulaga nalang sa atin bigla, napakahalaga pala... Eto ang mga kawalang kwentahan ng buhay ko...tingnan niyo... malay niyo... mabulaga kayo...

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  • Thursday, December 22, 2005

    The Day I Grew Up... Magpapasko na....

    Aalis na ako bukas....

    Unang paskong wala sa Pilipinas... Nakakainis, nakakalungkot... hindi ako masaya, hindi makapahinga utak ko... ang raming nangyari ngayong taon... Kadalasan ginagamit ko ang Pasko upang alalahanin kung tama ba ang takbo ng taon, kung ano kelangan kong baguhin at kung ano ang kelangan kong ipagpatuloy... Para maintindihan ko lang kung bakit may natapos at may natira.... kung bakit maraming nangyari, ngunit mas lalong maraming puwang na nabuksan at kelangan mapunan...

    Buong taon wala akong ginawa kundi magreklamo tungkol sa sarili ko... sa buhay ko... kadalasan hindi ako maniwala sa sarili ko na sapat na ang ginagawa ko para sa ibang tao... para sa pamilya ko... para sa opisina... para sa paaralan... para sa banda... para sa demolay... para sa student council... eto na nga nangangalahati palang ako sa listahan ng prioridad ay nakukurot na ang isip... tinatamad na...

    Noy, kapag nawawala ka... hanapin mo lang cheeseburger mo...

    Shet.... eto na.....

    The Day I Grew Up

    I woke up one december morning and realized that this was the year in which a multitude of things took place, changed, and bombarded me... broke my life apart and magically melded it back together. I've cried more tears this year than I have cried in a decade. Laughing comes easy to a person like me, but this year, I found it hard to laugh too much... It made me stop to think that maybe I was losing my lust for life... that maybe I was looking in the wrong places for happiness. And then the roller coaster ride began....

    I've never been overly serious with anything in my entire life. I've always regarded things as they come, never too hot, never too cool. But this year I seem to have fallen into a certain kind of monotony that only I recognize, and the warning lights and sounds went haywire...

    But now that I've thought about it... I've just realized something... this was the year that I grew up...

    "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche ( and Bamboo in an interview)

    I've only thought about it right now, which means I have been growing up, but haven't realized it until this very moment... and if I haven't realized it until this moment, I cannot even begin to have it materialize in consciousness until now... therefore....

    This is the day that I grew up....

    This is the day that my progress in life doesn't anymore depend on how much fun I have, but on how much fun I am ACTUALLY having when I'm trying to have fun....

    This is the day that I thank God for all the times I was drunk, for now I have the power to reinvent myself into someone apart from alcohol...

    This is the day that happiness is measured not by how happy you were when you were drunk last night, but by how happy you are when it's time to wake up and do the things you do everyday... how happy you are doing what you do for a living... and realizing that YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR A LIVING BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE... lucky are the people who can do both at the same time... Therefore, this is the day that I learn to love my work...

    This is the day I confront friends about what I hate about them, and then prove to them that I'll stick with them no matter what to prove that they should trust that I'm right.

    This is the day that I stop playing safe and learn to stand up for my mistakes instead of just making them.

    Today is the day I say to myself: "to hell with everything else... I'm literally almost done with half of my life so I wouldn't have to listen to what non-important people have to say... "

    This is the day I thank my friends... I've seen three close friends leave for the states this year, and many others planning on permanents in the near future... it won't be long til I have to bid farewell to those friends I would have spent the best of my life with... I need to wake up and grow up with them so we just don't have high school and college stories to talk about when we get old.

    Above all... this is the day I stop making excuses for myself... today, I shut up and just live the way I'm supposed to live... because no one will live for me anymore....

    Pasko na... Aalis nako...